When the pro’s and con’s of a decision end up even.

When we are torn between two or more choices and the pro’s and con’s for each are pretty equal, we need new information.

That internal tug of war over the decision is because the ways we typically make our decisions is not giving us the clarity that we need.

Ever felt torn between staying in a certain job or leaving?

There are so many reasons why anxiousness comes up around the decisions. 

Sometimes we’re worried about leaving a higher paying job for a position that gives them us more time with family or to start that business that has just been an idea for awhile. That might cause worry about how to make it work with a lower paying position.

Other times a nonprofit employee is weighing the option of leaving for the corporate world because they feel they aren't able to grow their salary and development as a professional.

Another reason we might consider moving on? Feeling unappreciated in a certain role or that our values don’t fit with the company. But we might feel anxious because we are not sure it will be different anywhere else.

Those are just a few examples I’ve helped people with, but we can consider leaving a job for so many reasons.

When we find ourselves in these situations, we tend to lean on a familiar method: the pros and cons list. I usually find that the pro’s and con’s list comes out pretty equal.

What do we typically do next? Poll friends and family, but end up talking with folks who lean each way. This means we can just end up more confused about what to do.

When there is not one clear choice, our thoughts seem to ping pong back and forth between the options, and all the what ifs. It leaves us feeling exhausted.

If you are tired of trying to keep up with all the thoughts bouncing around in your head, it is time to try something new. 

Take a tiny action towards one of the decisions and see how it feels. What you notice will give you more clarity.

For example, once I was trying to decide if I should stay at a job. I was working for a nonprofit, but it’s mission wasn’t something I felt connected to. But I was scared to leave. I graduated college during the The Great Recession, and this left me very worried that I wouldn’t find another position.

Just taking that one small step of looking for other positions shifted me from that internal tug of war. I saw a posting I liked, and felt excited. Then I took that next step and updated my resume and I noticed that felt good as well because I felt in control. 

This process of taking one step at a time, and checking in as you do, can be repeated until you have an answer you feel is truly the best one for you.

There are so many different situations that create this tension around should I stay or should I go, including circumstances around career, living situations, money, partners, friends, and family. In each case, the best thing to do is to find ways to test it out, by taking action. Then notice how you feel about the choice in light of the new information you have.

Sometimes we just don’t know how we are going to really feel about something until we take that first step and try it on.

Photo by Nick Scheerbart on Unsplash