What's really going on when we put off making a decision due to fear of not making the 'right' choice?

Here’s what I think is happening...

It’s not that we don’t know the right decision to make, it’s just that we are more focused on what other people might think.

For example, years ago I was really struggling with whether to move away from my family, but in my heart I really knew what I wanted to do. 

I kept second guessing my own truth because I didn’t want to disappoint those close to me. 

We do that don’t we? We examine what they might think, what they might say.

Our thoughts become a tangled mess of “Well, if I do this, then maybe this will happen? Or what if…?”

The decision keeps getting put off until we come up with the perfect one. The one that will make everyone happy. 

It seems like a never ending cycle that makes us more stressed and anxious. We reason that if we can just think it over a few more times, we’ll get to that magic answer. We’re hiding out.

The hiding is protecting us, because often making the decision we really want means doing something uncomfortable.

In my case, when I decided to move, the agonizing thing was telling my family that I’d be moving far away and seeing them less. It was distressing to move without a job lined up and knowing it was a risk. The unbearable thought was that if I didn’t find a position, I’d end up moving back and feeling like I failed. 

When we make decisions while we’re worried about making the wrong decision, do you know where that puts us? Where other people want us, not where we want to be. Thinking about others, rather than listening to our own inner voice, our own truth, leads us down paths we don’t want to be on and not knowing what we want.

It feels safe to stay in the spot, but you know it’s tearing you apart. You know that it’s keeping you from what you really want. You are not respecting, listening to, and honoring the most important part of yourself.

So what should we do the next time we notice we’re put off making a decision and we’re afraid of making the wrong choice?

Stop thinking it through. Stop the second guessing. Just stop.

Start noticing how you feel about it. Both emotionally and physically. What feelings and emotions are popping up? Where are you noticing sensations in your body?

You already have the answers within you. Right now, you don’t feel like you know what to do, but you do. 

The answers come from noticing how you feel about the choices and options before you. Translate what you feel into a decision you are confident about and the actions that will take you towards what you want.

It is time to stop all the thinking and overwhelm. Intuitively decide what your next right step is, even though it means doing something uncomfortable. If you are having trouble determining your next step, get some support. Talking it through with someone can help you get really clear. 

And if you feel like your family and friends are over hearing you on on a certain topic, but you still want support, a coach can be a really great fit. If you resonate with this, let’s explore working together. You can find out more here.

Photo by Guillaume Bolduc on Unsplash